It has been a long week. I have an infected blister on the end of my tongue so I am in constant pain, although Lizzy Face is sleeping better I am still not – as if my brain has now been conditioned to waking up and does so with stimulus or without. Work has been busy, stressful and the 24 hour fight The Fergotron and I had did nothing to help. But there is good news – for the foreseeable future my weeks will never be as long as this one is, as this is my last working Friday; as of next week my Fridays will be much more challenging.... I am on my own with Lizzy.....
We hadn’t initially planned for me to drop down to four days a week. The decision was made through a mixture of Fergotron worrying about Lizzy going full time into nursery, partly from me wanting to be at home and spend some time with Lizzy and to not have to do my awful commute every single day, and also down to simple mathematics. We are better off at the end of the month with this arrangement. Well fine, it makes sense on all counts.
Make sense it may do, but it is still a strange situation these days – the dad going to the baby groups while the mum is at work, well done 2015 society, look how far we’ve come(!). I read and retweeted a blog post about a stay at home dad and his fears and they all seemed pretty similar to mine. The main one that I identified with was the feeling of apprehension at trying to mingle with the ‘mums’. I’m not a mum so will I be welcome at mum groups? Also, I don’t like cake – the staple food of these get togethers I am lead to believe. It’s also obvious that Lizzy is not a new baby, so I have suddenly made a move part way through to try and join the mums - suspicious...
Fergotron assures me that its fine, there are other dads. Do people talk to them?..... Sometimes....
Make sense it may do, but it is still a strange situation these days – the dad going to the baby groups while the mum is at work, well done 2015 society, look how far we’ve come(!). I read and retweeted a blog post about a stay at home dad and his fears and they all seemed pretty similar to mine. The main one that I identified with was the feeling of apprehension at trying to mingle with the ‘mums’. I’m not a mum so will I be welcome at mum groups? Also, I don’t like cake – the staple food of these get togethers I am lead to believe. It’s also obvious that Lizzy is not a new baby, so I have suddenly made a move part way through to try and join the mums - suspicious...
Fergotron assures me that its fine, there are other dads. Do people talk to them?..... Sometimes....
Now normally, on my own turf, I am a witty charming and charismatic guy (of course you know this already, that's why you continue to read this blog) but in this regard I will be somewhat out of my depth. Have I ever carried a baby inside my womb?
No, and cite it as I may carrying Lizzy around in the Bjorn for the afternoon is not the same (but she is MUCH heavier now!!).
Have I ever gone through the pain of childbirth?
No, and I think it would be churlish to try and claim that my infected blister on my tongue is pretty sore (but it is, really sore).
Have I struggled to breastfeed my baby, spent months trying to balance out a mixture of learning and play and nap schedules and my relationships with my friends and family.......
No. But being a dad has its own set of trials and tribulations you know, though people seem not to focus on them – or maybe men just refuse to talk about them, really it’s largely our own fault.
Of course it is possible that mums talk about other things. They may even be interested in the point of view of a man and see it as an opportunity to understand what men think about various things (as obviously, I speak for men everywhere, tits and beer... right?) but regardless it makes me nervous.
No, and cite it as I may carrying Lizzy around in the Bjorn for the afternoon is not the same (but she is MUCH heavier now!!).
Have I ever gone through the pain of childbirth?
No, and I think it would be churlish to try and claim that my infected blister on my tongue is pretty sore (but it is, really sore).
Have I struggled to breastfeed my baby, spent months trying to balance out a mixture of learning and play and nap schedules and my relationships with my friends and family.......
No. But being a dad has its own set of trials and tribulations you know, though people seem not to focus on them – or maybe men just refuse to talk about them, really it’s largely our own fault.
Of course it is possible that mums talk about other things. They may even be interested in the point of view of a man and see it as an opportunity to understand what men think about various things (as obviously, I speak for men everywhere, tits and beer... right?) but regardless it makes me nervous.
Not that I have to mix with the mums, I could go to rhyme time and then leave, we can go swimming just the two of us or out for walks round an about but that would feel a little bit of a wasted opportunity and besides, as fun as Lizzy is she doesn’t talk yet and I’m a sociable fellow so I’m sure it will be nice.
I have to say that this is my main worry, and it seems like a silly thing to fixate on. Don’t get me wrong, I also worry about Lizzy thinking it’s weird and being unhappy, I worry about the days she screams and screams and how I will cope. I worry about Fergotron coming home and me having bastardised the routine in six small hours and I worry about loosing a day of work every week, as I’ve been in full time work the whole time I’ve worked pretty much. I also think it means that for that day I will be officially, unequivocally, someone’s dad. Just someone’s dad; not parents out with their baby, not dad left with the baby for half an hour – 100% responsible, 100% on my own and 100% dad. It’s a weird feeling.
I have to say that this is my main worry, and it seems like a silly thing to fixate on. Don’t get me wrong, I also worry about Lizzy thinking it’s weird and being unhappy, I worry about the days she screams and screams and how I will cope. I worry about Fergotron coming home and me having bastardised the routine in six small hours and I worry about loosing a day of work every week, as I’ve been in full time work the whole time I’ve worked pretty much. I also think it means that for that day I will be officially, unequivocally, someone’s dad. Just someone’s dad; not parents out with their baby, not dad left with the baby for half an hour – 100% responsible, 100% on my own and 100% dad. It’s a weird feeling.
Mind you, it is still only 1/5th of the feeling the mums who do it every day have so once again, a subject that I am not able to bring up. What will I talk to them about....Maybe they will like coding? Yes, mums definitely have time for coding don’t they, so that’s something to look forward to!
(p.s I’m also greatly aware of the flip side to these worries, which is the wonderful time I will spend with Lizzy Face, and in this regard I win 100%. I get to spend the whole day with her and get to help her learn and grow and be much more active and present in her life– and be better off financially as a household. Which I’m sure many of the dads here will understand makes me a very, very lucky man)